Yay or Nay: Straight Women in Queer Spaces?

Opinion Piece

I was 18 when I first moved to Boston. It was 2019, late August to be exact, and I was a freshman at Emerson College; and before Orientation week had even ended, I came out of the closet.

As a newly out queer woman, all I wanted to do was party. The new friends I made from LA and NYC told me about gay clubs they had snuck into and drag shows attended with poorly made fake IDs. As someone from a suburban town, the biggest queer event I had ever been to was a Sweeney Todd cast party (sad but true). From my quick Google search, I found the Machine, a local queer club in Fenway that hosted 18+ nights. As a young gay kid who wasn’t 21, this seemed like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Wow, I was disappointed. Despite Machine being advertised as an LGBTQ+ nightclub, there was an insane amount of straight people there. See, an 18+ night just drew the young college freshmen who had nowhere else to go. The room was full of kids who craved a night out in the city but weren’t old enough to get in anywhere. Straight girls loudly bragged about loving to kiss girls, but only when they were drunk. There were also older men who sat in the darker corners of the club. Some attempted to dance against the women, gay and straight alike, on the dance floor.

To put it simply, it was not the vibe. But this is a phenomenon happening all over the country. Over the last few years, there has been an influx of straight people, straight women specifically, who are choosing gay clubs as their location for a night out.

Now many straight women go to these gay bars for their own safety. Just about every week there’s a story coming out about a man overstepping boundaries at a bar. Sometimes it’s harassment, sometimes the bartender has to intervene, sometimes women are roofied, or sometimes women are assaulted for telling men no. When a fun night out becomes dangerous due to straight men, no one can blame these women for choosing a place where they feel safer.

So it seems like straight women are going to show up in queer spaces. And that’s okay! I think straight women can be welcome in queer spaces, but they need to attend these bars and clubs in a respectful manner. The big issue is not straight people being in gay bars, it’s straight people behaving poorly in gay bars. It’s loud bachelorette parties attending drag shows and going on stage. It’s straight women being upset with queer women hitting on them. Queer events should not be treated as a spectacle.

Sophia Mastroieni, known on Tiktok as Sophiamart, shared a clip of herself earlier this year discussing this topic. In the video, she explains that she went to a gay club the night before and asked five different girls if they were queer only to have every one of them say they were straight.

Tiktok user, Alexis Scudderwhich, commented under this viral video (which has been viewed over a million times) saying “I think it all comes down to respect and understanding that those are queer spaces and to realize that this place is inherently not for you."

When straight women go to gay bars they do more than upset the general vibe. Jason Orne, a queer sociologist and the author of Boystown: Sex And Community In Chicago calls this behavior being “on safari.” He says straight women often visit queer spaces as if it’s a zoo. They go to look and gawk at gay men and drag queens, disregarding how uncomfortable that may make these people feel.

Gay bars and clubs are also some of the few places queer women can be themselves. Queer bars are one of the few spaces where I feel totally safe being affectionate with my girlfriend. For women who are maybe trying to find someone in these spaces, having a plethora of straight women in the dating pool can be a problem, especially when straight women react rudely to a queer woman’s advances.

There is already a shortage of queer spaces. According to the Lesbian Bar Project, there are only 20 lesbian bars left in America. This number represents a very small community of spaces catering to women. So when gay women go to a gay bar they want to see their community.

Last year, June Thomas addressed this subject as well in a controversial “Ask a Homo” segment. She offered etiquette advice geared toward individual straights, both male and female. Since queers have so few spaces to themselves, Thomas asked her straight viewers to consider whether they couldn’t find another place to drink and dance.

I think straight women can absolutely go to gay bars. At the same time, I also think many straight women behave poorly at gay bars. Straight women are guests in these spaces, something they need to remember before they start throwing around “Yass Queens.” While the world has become more accepting in recent years, gay bars are one of the few places where a gay couple won’t get a weird side-eye. So as long as you’re respectful I see no issue.